Past Lives
by Alex Mcpherson
Summary: Willow discovers a couple of related spells, easy ones, and decides to try them out with the group. The results are very surprising, for all concerned. The Spells allow the group to glimpse any of their souls' past lives...


**Past Lifes**

**Date Written: **17th Feb 2010

**Author: **Alexander Mcpherson

**Email: **lyra underscore mcpherson underscore eighty-eight at live dot co dot you kay. (Tip: there are two digits in the email address.)

**Crossover: **At time of starting, no planned crossover.

**Pairing: **You'll see, although the character choices for the filters makes one obvious.

**Warnings?: **In no way shape or form will Xander have been with any character other than a certain one in this timeline. i.e. despite her trying, the fluking never happened.

Also, it may appear I am bashing one character, but I'm just going on about a character flaw from the show.

Oh, and it's not proof-read or betad.

**Genre:** I was aiming for humour, not intended to be serious, but then I got into it and it did become serious. So... Humour/Spiritual,... Other relevant ones: Mystery, Suspense, Drama, Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, and obviously, Supernatural.

**Rating: **I'm gonna go for T on this one. Why? Because what we saw in the show was probably worse than what'll be in this fic, and anyone who saw the 'Judge' two-parter in season 2 probably knows that they did get *very* suggestive.

**Main Characters: **Main Season 2 Characters, primarily Xander and Cordy.

**Disclaimer: **What Disclaimer? I gotta do those? But it's on Fanfiction dot com, so _obviously _I don't own most of this, only the general idea, and even then, it's not like I'm trying to... _stake_ a claim to them. I just wanna share a plot bunny I had. Yes Yes, bad pun I know. Hey, when your favourite character from the show is Xander, you gotta expect these things.

**Summary: **Willow discovers a couple of related spells, easy ones, and decides to try them out with the group. The results are very surprising, for all concerned.

**--**

**Prologue**:

In the computer room of Sunnydale Highschool, Junior year student Willow Rosenb[e/u]rg, whom many people didn't know if the 3rd-to-last letter in her surname was an E or a U, was reading through a cleverly disguised magic book.

This cleverly disguised magic book, was cleverly disguised by the use of a hardback book cover that made it look like the sort of book the top programmers at Microsoft or other such software companies, would read to learn even more advanced programming stuff.

As it was, those who had seen her pull the book out, wrinkled their noses not in disgust, but at the reminder of their student being so far ahead of them that they expected her IQ to be triple digits, the first number being a two. Perhaps a three.

Surprisingly, Willow had never taken a proper IQ test. All the ones she had done were the 'watered down' versions that let people who's true IQ's were in the 80s range, think they were in the triple digits.

If she did take the true IQ test, well, IQ isn't all about smarts. It's about deduction and stuff, how logical and/or deductive you are, can you come to a correct conclusion with fewer facts than someone else need? That sort of thing. Some of the people really good at deductive reasoning, sometimes are limited by the fact that while they are very intelligent, they weren't as smart as others. Smart being about knowing things, intelligence being about being able to use that knowledge.

And it was true that Willow was very, very smart. But IQ tests aren't to just test how smart you are.

They're about how intelligent you are. And Willow's true IQ level with that just wasn't as high as anyone would expect.

Her reasoning skills left a lot to be desired.

One example of this, was that she never could reason out why Cordelia Chase always picked on her, despite the fact that Cordelia was pretty obvious about the reasons.

If Willow simply let herself learn new fashions, she wouldn't have been such a social outcast. She'd have been the schools' hot smart chick.

A further effect of this, was that Willow wouldn't and couldn't accept that beneath the Vanity, Cordelia was a human being more worthy of living than even a certain vamp that she and her best friend didn't want to kill.

The biggest, and worst offense with her reasoning skills, was that she, like her best friend, couldn't differentiate Angel, the soul, from Angelus, the demon.

It hadn't been long since Angel's soul had, once more, passed beyond the mortal realm, leaving the vampire body in the control of the inhabitant demon.

If her reasoning was any good, she'd have been disgusted, at the idea of a Slayer with a corpse. But sadly, she wasn't. She was indeed, 'up' on the "Star crossed lovers who can't be together" shtick.

It made her former best friend, Xander, wondering just what it was about their lifestyle choice that made her slide back on the intelligence.

As it was, none of this was yet relevant to what she was reading.

The magic book. Well, not '_The Magic Book_', as in, The one, the only, the biggest, or whatnot. Just a book. On magic.

She was reading a chapter, her computer work completed, while around her, her fellow student body were annoyed that she seemed to be rubbing it in that she was 'smarter' than they were. Another reason she was an outcast.

She found something that caught her curiosity.

It was a section on 'past lives', how often, many human souls were literally, reincarnated as often as a decade after the previous 'death'.

Not every soul, as apparently some are born and some don't return, depending on the type of life lived.

And at the end, was the spells to check out where a persons' soul had been in those past lives. A spell, the first one, that creates a, photograph, almost... a snapshot of a past life, something for most of the other spells to use as an anchor point.

Only a few did she want to do, nothing big or anything.

She wanted to see, were her and her friends' souls had been before.

--

**Chapter 1**

"Come on, guys, It's not even a big spell! Miss Calendar assured me theres' practically no downside to this!"

Xander sighed, and said, "Wills, it's the 'practically' bit I'm having trouble with. That means there is. What if we don't like what we used to be?"

They were in the library. Giles, Buff, Wills, Xander, and Cordy. Their relationship was still disturbing to the others.

Cordelia snorted, and said, "What if Giles was a certain murderer in a past life?"

Buffy and Willow looked at her in confusion. "Huh?"

"You know, 'Jack the Ripper'?"

Giles looked away in... shame? As he cleaned his glasses. "I am aware of the spells you wish to do, Willow. Jenny was, was correct, when there was no practical downside to these spells..."

"Practical, but other downsides?" Xander prompted after a few seconds silence.

"You, you may, Cordelia is correct that you may not like your past selves. In my youth, my friends did this spell. Ethan discovered that..." He looked away as a smile came onto his face, "He had once been the lover to a king of one of the countries in Europe... I forget which."

"Wait, are you saying...?"

Giles grinned, a little too 'Ripperish' (not the murderer, the rebel-giles.) "His past life, he was the Gay Lover to a secretly-gay King. In times when it was considered, unholy and was punishable by death."

Most of them snickered, although Willow was frowning. "That's horrible!"

"It was the times, Willow. There is still a lot of stigma around being Gay. My friends and I had a good time teasing Ethan about that. The, homophobia is still quite entrenched in society even to today, but it was a lot worse back then."

"You're homophobic?" Willow asked, her frown even deeper.

"I was young, I made many mistakes. I was not so open-minded back then..." Giles paused, then nodded, "I was homophobic, I guess. But even today you won't find many 'straight' men who don't have at least some measure of homophobia. Just because I now accept the existence of Gay people, and have a live and let live mindset about it, doesn't mean I will be okay with seeing a gay couple... ah, 'Making out'."

Both males in the room shuddered theatrically at that.

Xander shuddered at the thought of Larry, who he recently learned was secretly gay, wanting him.

To distract themselves, Xander inserted, "You girls gotta admit, right, that you wouldn't, mind seeing that sorta thing, right?"

Buffy and Willow shared looks, and shrugged. "Maybe." Buffy said.

"But like we guys don't like seeing other guys, ahm, make-out. Many girls don't like seeing the same with other girls... but we guys wouldn't mind seeing girls make-out."

Cordy slapped him hard. "If you think I'm going to make out with another girl..."

Xander looked at her, as Giles inserted, "Can we change subject, before the ripper side of me tries to make a comment that would get me in jail?"

They all laughed at that, Xander said, "And here I thought Giles didn't go for Jailbait."

"Ah... thank you for that reminder, Xander."

"Can we get back to this spell, please? What say you?"

Xander shrugged. "So long as it doesn't bring the Hyena back, sure."

Willow winced at that, "I'll ask Miss Calendar to check on that."

Cordelia nodded. "Sure, I'm in. Just no making fun of me or my past lives, okay? Or insults, for that matter."

Willow held in her insults about that. That would get her, and Xander, to not agree to it. She may not be intelligent in certain departments, much, but even she wasn't that dumb.

Buffy shrugged. "Count me in too, Wills."

"Giles?" Willow asked.

"I'm afraid I'll have to pass on participating, although I do wish to be present, make sure things go alright."

"Sure? I mean, we'd all like to know more about our favourite Englishman."

"The only other Englishman you know wasn't exactly a big example of the regular british person."

"C'mon, Giles! Even Miss Calendars doing it." Willow tried.

He shook his head. "In that case, most certainly not."

"Why, was Cordelia right about you being that Jack the Ripper guy?" Buffy asked, as a joke.

Giles looked away, and sighed. "If you absolutely wish to know the truth to that, you will be sorely disappointed, Buffy."

Cordelia gasped. "You were! Weren't you!"

Xander winced when her grip tightened on his hand, but said, "So that's why they called you 'Ripper'?"

Giles sat down heavily, on the three-seater couch where Xander and Cordelia were. Seeing her reaction, he made to sit the opposite side of the couch of Xander from Cordelia.

"I spent many years since my days as 'Rupert the Ripper', regretting many of my actions. I was not a killer, I never harmed people with intent to harm... But then that is what drug addicts around the world can say and yet still have hurt many people. And the 'ripper' side of me, with Magic? I had hurt so many more. I was lucky that the Watchers Council took me back in after seeing how sorry I was."

They remembered the incident with the mark of Eyghon, and how upset Giles had been afterwards, because Jenny had been hurt by his past actions.

"I vote nay on including the G-man for this one, on account of saving his sanity." Xander spoke.

"Seconded." Cordy spoke.

Buffy sighed, "Thirded."

Willow frowned. "C'mon, that can't be the only past life you had, right?"

"Wills, just leave it will ya?"

"Xand..."

"Xander is right, Willow. Somethings are best left untouched."

"But, we're still doing it for us, right?"

"Just promise me you won't use the spell to integrate a past lives' personality trait? Those spells are quite, hit and miss." Giles asked.

"That what you did G-man?"

"It's not exactly reversible, it took me a long time before I could... be a good person again. With a lot of help."

Xander looked at Willow, and said, "Just seeing who we were, wills, nothing more. Right?"

Willow nodded, pleased that she could do that much despite the revelations of Giles, Past life, literally in both meanings.

-

**Chapter 2**

Everything was set up, and everyone participating was gathered at Willows' house. They knew not to use the library, despite Willows insistence, because of the presence of the Hellmouth.

"Now, I have done this for several of my people before," Jenny began. Buffy allowed her to be included only because of three reasons – Willow asked, Giles wouldn't admit it but she knew he loved Jenny, and Jenny had a lot of experience with Magic. Giles did too, but he wasn't a current practitioner – Jenny was. "The first step is to create a magical construct for each of us that will be exploring our past lives.

"A magical construct, in this case, is a, piece of photo paper, essentially, that only exists on the magical level. We would see it at first as photo paper not yet used, but it is not there. It is the magic of the initial Spell energy, almost made manifest."

She started to chant, to create her own. Once she was done, a piece of photo paper appeared, literally by magic, in front of her.

She nodded to willow, who repeated the spell for her own.

One by one, using borrowed power freely given by Jenny, first Buffy, then Xander and finally Cordelia cast the first part of the spell, that would make manifest the magic power in the form of the 'construct'.

Those three needed to borrow the power, as they, as far as they knew, didn't have that power. Willow had that power already and so Jenny only thrice shared her power. But she knew it would work better with just three, than if only one or two, or all four, needed to borrow. Power of Three and such.

"Now, the next part of the spell, is to check if you indeed have past lives to explore. Once you have cast the spell, your construct will alter itself, into a list of your past lives listed by dates of birth and death. As your souls have no name of their own, they have the names of the bodies they inhabit, you will not see the names of your past lives in the list."

They nodded, and in the same order as before, first Jenny, then Willow and so on they cast the next part of the spell.

Busy as they were with casting the spell, none of them noticed the disappointed look on Willow's face.

"I don't think I cast it right." She spoke up.

Jenny lost focus for a moment, before she sighed. "I'm sorry Willow. You have no past life." She smiled. "You're a newborn soul."

Cordy couldn't help it. "Awe, isn't she cute."

"Something you wish to tell us, Cordelia?" Buffy asked.

"Now now, lets leave the cat fight until after we've done all this, okay?" Xander inserted.

"Fine. So what about you Miss Calendar?"

Jenny smiled. "I've already been through this for myself, so I know who these past lives were. Not any special ones. Two were married, one died single at the age of 60, quite old for the era."

"Three past lives?" Xander asked. She nodded.

"My soul is about, combined life time, 140 years old. Including my current age."

"Buffy?" Giles asked.

She frowned, as she looked the list over. "Howcome I keep dying young?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"The first 3 incarnations of me... all died between 15 and 18."

"This sounds familiar." Xander muttered.

"Yeah, I thi- Hey, is the list supposed to show our current one?"

Jenny shook her head, and moved over to look. "Birth... 1981... death..." She paused, then looked up at Xander.

"What?"

"It says she died... as prophesized in that codex."

Xander looked around, uncomfortable. "Not surprising, right? I mean, death is required to call the next slayer, and... well... Kendra."

Jenny nodded. "I suppose. But even clinical death being reversed by CPR, I've never heard of someone who's been through that _then_ undergoing this having the 'current' life listed."

Giles choked. "Are you saying...?"

Buffy sagged. "So, I'm dead?"

"I'm saying you might have been on the way passing on, when you were revived by Xander."

Buffy looked up at Xander, and smiled sadly. "Thanks, by the way."

"You're welcome." Xander looked around, and asked, "So that's, ahem... 3 past lives, not counting, ahm..."

"5 before this one. Last two were... er... died age 34, and 41... huh."

"You're between 137-146 years old then, huh Buff? Looking good for it."

Buffy blushed at that.

They then looked to Xander. "You're next, Xand." Willow spoke.

Xander looked at his list, and frowned. "6 past lives. All died in their 80's..."

"Wow. You're the eldest soul among us." Jenny spoke. "What, Five and a half centuries?"

Xander smiled at that, but asked, "Hey Giles, How old's your soul?"

"Two past lives, Xander. One died 50, the other... well... I'm only about a hundred."

"So... I'm older?"

Giles chuckled, but nodded.

Buffy had to say, "So Xander's older than Angel?"

Xander scowled at her and the comparison.

"He looks better for his age though." Cordy commented with a small smile.

"That's because Angel's younger."

Willow had to ask, "Cordelia... did you mean Angel or Xander?"

"Yes, my girlfriend, I must ask that same question." Xander spoke, with an eyebrow raised at her.

She smirked. "You, of course, doofus." She patted him on the back, "You think I'd be your girlfriend if you didn't do anything for me in that department?"

All of a sudden their audience started coughing.

"Dear Lord... I really did not need that image there, Cordelia." Giles spoke.

Cordelia just grinned unrepentantly.

"So 6 lives, all in their 80s when they died. I guess that says a lot about your past lives huh?" Buffy began. "They knew to stay safe."

Xander frowned, but didn't suggest otherwise.

"C'mon, dates." Willow asked. "Which centuries?"

Xander looked at them, and he spoke, "1st Century BC to AD, I guess my first life was around the time of Jesus... um, 7th Century, 11th, 14th Century, 17th and then 19th/20th century, then this one."

"Interesting... " Giles commented.

Jenny spoke up, "Not just Oldest, but Earliest."

"My first 'life' was 10th/11th century." Giles offered.

"And your second?" Jenny asked.

"Hey Buffy, when was your first life?" Xander asked.

"7th Century."

"Ooh, bad number." Willow commented, although she was still smarting over not having a past life.

Xander then asked, "So, Cordelia. How about you?"

"5 past lives..." She frowned, and then started to list, "1st Cen- Hmm... Pretty much Same as you Xand, except the last one."

Giles and Jenny shared a significant look, before they spoke, "A soul pair."

Xander and Cordy shared lists, and then Cordy said, "Okay, You're still the earliest of us and youngest, but only by a few years and a half a century."

"You think...?" Xander asked quietly...

"Maybe. If your past selves were like you are now..." She replied, just as quietly.

After a minute, the two asked, "We really want to know who our past selves were."

--

**Chapter 3**

"... and because Willow, you don't have a past life to explore, it will be easier on them with the shared power, as we only need to explore 3, not 4 lives."

Willow nodded. Ten minutes ago they had started the next part.

"Now, we will be able to explore all of them with our shared power, but due to the, length, of your past lives, Xander, Cordelia, we will probably only get one or two each. If you don't mind, I think we should let Buffy at least see all of hers. If you really wish to see them all, we can do this again at a later date."

The pair nodded, and Buffy smiled a little at the extra attention she'd be getting.

Half an hour later, and the first life of Buffy Summers' soul was revealed in a single snapshot.

A Dark-skinned brunette, who looked disturbingly like Kendra, fighting a vampire.

"A past version of myself was a slayer?" Buffy started.

"Perhaps, perhaps not. Maybe that past self was, like Xander, Willow or Cordelia, someone who was normal but discovered the truth of the world?" Jenny suggested. "Those kind souls who know the truth, generally, can't give up fighting for the world."

Xander nodded when Buffy looked at him, and Cordelia shrugged with a small smile when she too was looked at. When Willow was looked at, she shrugged. "I guess I gotta make a mark with my souls' first life."

Small chuckles later, and The two present wiccans cast the spell that would let Buffy actively explore the particular past life shown in screenshot on the magical construct. To assist, Giles and Jenny both then used observational spells to allow them to see and interact with Buffy's mind within the construct.

Twenty minutes later, and the three exited with a shock.

"What?"

Softly, in shock, Buffy replied, "I was the second slayer called after the _first_."

Looks were exchanged, then Buffy gulped before she said, "Okay, I wanna see the next one."

"Are you sure, Buffy?"

A nod.

This time, after the next life was in screenshot, instead of just waiting for the trio in silence as they delved mentally into the image, Cordelia and Xander decided to have some illicit smoochies. Thankfully for Willow's sanity, she had gotten Jenny to let her dive in too, if it wasn't a problem. It wasn't, and so the couple that weren't in there with, got uninterrupted kissage.

It was half an hour before they came out, all laughing.

"Did you see that?"

"I must say, bravo, Buffy." Giles chuckled, and faked wiping a tear.

"What, what's the big deal?"

Buffy laughed. "Okay, not a slayer my second life, but I gotta say... Best. Death. Ever."

She got a dreamy look.

"Um, want to tell us whats the what?" Xander asked.

Willow giggled. "Normal, right? So she's there, getting..." She looked at Giles and Jenny, who blushed, "Laid, right...? Well..." She laughed, despite her blush, "She died from her... orgasm."

Cordelia went wide-eyed, while Xander almost fainted.

"Best thing is, the way that works, she got to, feel what her past self felt..." Willow blushed the deepest shade of red they had every seen on her, when Buffy moved with slayer speed and covered the redheads' mouth.

"None of that, now."

"So who she, anyone famous?" Cordy asked.

A shrug, "Nope."

Giles inserted, "As Jenny can attest, usually our past selves aren't famous or infamous."

Jenny nodded. "Average? One every fifth past life, my experience, is a famous or otherwise important person."

Nods all around, and then, "Can I see the next one? Then I'll let Xander or Cordelia have their turn."

Nods, and minutes later, they were within the construct again, seeing Buffy's third past life.

This time, it was only 5 minutes before they left, somber.

"Buff?"

"A witch, burnt at the stake." She sighed. "Only 15... She was caught trying to do good with magic in Camelot."

"That's a real place?" The pair asked.

Giles nodded. "10th Century. Scholars tend to dismiss magic as a source." A look of glee came to his eyes. "I guess we have firm proof of camelots' existence."

"What, Arthur, Knights of the round table, and all that?"

A nod. "For centuries, the opinions about Magic has shifted between 'it's good' and 'it's bad'. After the dawn of the age of science, however, slowly but surely, people have forgotten that it was and still is a viable, ahm... Science, art form..."

Jenny added, "But many of the current practitioners of high skill are from the, 'old crowd', only a few of us are innovating magic to keep up to date with the other sciences."

"Like technopagan and all that computer magic stuff?" Xander asked. Then at their looks he added, "You know what I mean. Casting spells with computers."

"Yes, Xander. We knew what you meant." Jenny assured him. "And Yes, that kind of innovation."

"Buffy's 3rd life unfortunately fell in a time when Camelot had rules against magic use. The glimpse we got was only small, as Buffy's past life there was..."

"She was a peasant." Buffy spoke.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed. "don't say that!"

"Then what would you call it?"

"Ahm... the magic 10th century version of Xander?" Willow babbled. "You know, with the 'not rich' and the... What?" Everyone looked at her.

"Thanks, wills." Xander commented.

"Oh.. Sorry xand, but I didn'tm ean it in a bad way. You know."

Xander shrugged.

"So, Your turn or Cordelia's?" buffy asked.

"Yeah, and do we get to all come along?" Willow asked.

Xander and Cordelia shared looks, and seemed to communicate silently. Even Buffy's slayer hearing didn't pick up the whispers – they weren't just communicating with looks, that would be cliché.

"Okay. Um, Xander first." Cordy spoke, nervous.

Xander nodded, and they went through the process. The snapshot revealed a man who looked disturbingly like Xander looked now, only a lot older, in his fifties, and dressed as someone of the 1st century (ad) would in roman occupied territory.

Minutes later and Xander discovered just how they would explore his past life.

He was, simply put, experiencing everything as if it were real.

"Cool, like a holodeck, ey Wills?"

Willow appeared, ghost-like, and nodded.

The others appeared, similarly, and Giles spoke. "An Apt analogy, Xander. Like a, 'Holodeck', you will experience and interact with others according to how you remember it, or as the analogy goes, as the 'program' allows. As it is not as, ah, _interactive_ as a holopogram however, anything you say to, them, that differs from your past lives' memories, well, nothing changes. They will not notice our presence, nor you speaking to us or our replies."

"I got it. What about language?"

"You will hear it as English, unless they speak in a language your past self did not understand."

"Ah. Not Universal Translator then. Just what 'I' knew."

"Quite."

"Didn't figure you for a Star Trek fan, though, Giles."

"I've seen a few episodes." Giles shrugged. "I was a fan of the original series, in my youth... Before my, 'ripper' days."

Xander would have said something, but someone appeared.

"Ahm, Cordy? I'm seeing double here."

Giles frowned. "Odd..."

"Alexander," real-looking cordelia spoke, the memory version. "How many times must I remind you to pack our things!"

Ghost-cordelia of current day was shocked when she realised, and gasped out, "I-She...'s pregnant!"

Xander heard 'himself' speaking, "Many times, I just love seeing you in righteous anger. Even pregnant, my love."

That was when the others finally registered that.

"Alexander..." memory-cordelia spoke in chiding, while blushing. "We need to be packed soon if we are to make it to Bethlehem before nightfall." She frowned, and added, "We don't know if the roman guard there patrol at night. God forbid if something happens to the little one." She patted her belly.

"Yeah, can't have his son killed by the undead before he's even born, can we." Alexander spoke, a little put out at something.

"Annoyed that little Jesus is someone else's son?"

"No.... Yes... I'm jealous. Very much so. I keep wanting to be angry at... ahm... what would seem to be 'your indiscretion'. But I can't. Each time I do, that thrice-damned Angelus reminds me just who the daddy is."

Everyone looked shocked at that.

"Angelus?" Buffy whispered.

"Alexander! You will not curse that Guardian Angel!"

"But Cordeliana, he annoys the hell out of me!"

'Cordeliana' sighed. Cordelia looked shocked, and whispered to the others, 'I think that's my past life...'

"Of course he does. You're annoyed that before he was our Guardian Angel, his mother killed your best friend. You need to get over that, my love."

"I was. I am. You can't blame me for not liking him on principle. The guy... And I can't call him a man considering what he was for the last twenty years before our lord made him an Angel and our Guardian..."

"This is about his past, when his body was inhabited by a spawn of the devil, whom named himself 'Angel', a twist on the real Gabriels' family name?"

Everything seemed to pause, as 'Alexander' turned around, and this time they knew it was Xander in control, having paused the entire thing to get over his shock.

"Guys, I don't think Angel is as young as you think."

"Perhaps it was his 'past life'?" Willow asked, a little subdued again.

"History repeating itself, though?"

"Ahm, I'm more shocked that my past life was the Mother of Jesus." Cordelia commented.

Willow snickered at something, and when they looked at her, she said, "See Xander, she cheated on you already." She continued snickering, even worse.

"Guys, I think something seriously hellmouthy is going on here. I mean, I can't be... I mean..." Xander got lost in thought for a minute, before he let the 'playback' continue.

"Yes." Alexander was saying.

"You must let the past go, Alexander."

Everyone saw the irony in that statement.

"I can't. Jessia was my life."

"You would be with her romantically, had she not died?"

"I... don't know. But I do know _You_ are my life now, Cordeliana. I just can't let go the death of my best friend at... Gabriel Angelus' mothers' hands. He should have killed her when he discovered what had become of her, not allowed her to turn him as well."

Cordeliana sighed, as she said, "Perhaps if you let go of your anger, our lord will stop sending him to us for 'courtesy visits'. Forgiveness and righting wrongs has been as much a part of your life as fighting the evil taint of the night, Alexander. Don't change that by not forgiving him."

Alexander looked her in the eyes, and she stepped up close. On reflex, he hugged her close.

"Please, for me? Forgive him, not for him, or Jessia... but me?"

Alexander let her move back enough so that he could look her in the eyes.

"I... I don't know if I can." He whispered.

"I do know, Alexander. I have seen it each time you have forgiven someone of their misdeeds and helped them seek redemption. You have the greatest capacity for forgiveness that our lord has ever seen, my love. And more than that... I _know_ you can. He seeks redemption by being our Guardian, my love. He is much more than a messenger between our lord and ourselves."

"He deserves my forgiveness, I... I know that, but I don't know if I can give it."

"And if you don't, this will become Hatred." Cordeliana warned. "I saw what became of you after Jessia died, and you hunted his mother down. I barely brought you out of that state, my love."

Alexander leaned into her, and they touched foreheads.

Xander lost his sight as 'Alexander' closed his eyes, tears starting to fall.

"I don't know if I can bring you out of it again." She whispered. "Please, forgive him before you loose yourself... for your son."

With a tired sigh, Alexander spoke, "He's not my son, but our lords'."

A new voice interrupted, "Actually, our lord used that which makes you you, when he had your wife have child."

Alexander looked at the figure, and Xander was, along with the rest of those observing the past life, floored at another familiar face in the past.

It was Angel, only the difference was he was glowing a little, and floating.

"Deadboy."

No one was sure it was Xander or Alexander who spoke that, until 'Gabriel Angelus' spoke in response to it.

"A bit more accurate than last time you used it, but yes. And I told you, I prefer either Angelus or Gabriel."

"I'm still trying to work out how you styled your hair when you couldn't see yourself in a mirror."

Everything paused, so Xander could say, "That's a good point you know."

Willow giggled. "I asked him once. He didn't reply."

--

**Chapter 4**

It had been an hour inside the construct, when they were returned to the present day. Everyone were shocked, and only after exhaustive checking did Giles and Jenny shockingly say, "That was not altered by the hellmouth. You really are the reincarnated biological dad of Jesus."

They had viewed quite a bit of his first' lives life. Xander had quickly learned that time was different in the construct. He had gotten several weeks worth of viewership for that one hour. Giles did mention that the average ratio, depending on power level and number of observers, was a week for every ten minutes or so.

They had been quite shocked at how Xanders' first life paralleled this one.

Jessia – essentially 'Alexander's Jesse... Gabriel Angelus, whose name had over the millennia been twisted by media into 'The Guardian Angel Gabriel' with no known surname.

Cordeliana, obviously an older form of the name Cordelia.

They had seen over several years as 'Alexander' struggled with the capacity to forgive someone who had been partially responsible for a loss so personal to him.

How even 'Jesus' would not forgive his father for that until he forgave Gabriel, not a few years before Alexander died.

How it was the crucifixion of his son that finally set him on the path to forgive Gabriel, and saw his son before he lost the capacity to move on his own, his son forgiving him posthumously.

Cordelia too was deeply affected by this, as she strongly felt that she had seen her souls' first life through his eyes... and she realised, who she had been so far in this life, didn't match up.

"Ahm... Cordy, want to go next?" Xander asked quietly.

"Yeah, but I think we all know who It's going to be."

Nods, and minutes later it was confirmed as they all delved into the Construct and saw, one or two identical scenes but with Cordelia/-na, but for the most part, the next few 'weeks' of experiencing her 'first past life' were other scenes that they didn't see with Xander.

Including how 'Alexander' didn't know that 'Cordeliana' helped Jesus have a secret family away from the whole 'Son of god' thing.

How the pair had separated for a short time, when their son was a teenager, because Alexanders' inability to forgive Gabriel had started to take that toll that they had first seen predicted before Jesus was born.

But also how it was her love that kept him out of the predicted all-encompassing hatred...

Until eventually, she could die a happy woman, knowing her husband forgave their guardian angel and her son forgave his father for not being able to do so for so long.

What was most interesting, however, was 'Cordeliana's last day.

Cordelia had found herself looking out across a desert, with naught but sand dunes for all the eye could see. Only Alexander stood at 'Cordeliana's side, with Gabriel off in the distance, floating above the dunes, giving them time alone while the old couple had their last day together, but not leaving so that he could be there for them should their last breath come any minute.

Alexander was obviously struggling with merely standing, as he used a pair of what was obviously the 1st century version of crutches to support himself.

"From the Sun, from the sand, we came." Cordeliana spoke.

"To the light, to the desert, we return." Alexander finished.

"Our journey is but beginning." She started after a minute of silence.

"So Gabriel says."

"Oh for god sake, I thought you forgave him years ago?"

"I did. We call it friendly arguments." Alexander chuckled.

"Trust you two to enjoy teasing each other."

"I seem to recall that we both annoyed one another when we were growing up."

"You were immature, until I started dating you."

"You saying I'm mature and all that because of you?"

Cordeliana thought for a moment, humming something, before she nodded. "Yes."

Alexander hugged her softly, carefully, before he grinned a tired smile. "I can live with that."

They both sighed at the reminder of their coming end.

"You think we'll meet each other in our next life?"

"I can only hope."

"Just try not to annoy me." Cordeliana spoke up, "Or at least as much as you used to, back when we were kids."

"... If I remember to."

Cordeliana chuckled at that, before she sighed, with a wince.

"Are you okay?"

"No... it's started."

--

As soon as they had come out from the construct, Xander pulled cordelia in close to him.

By now, Willow had forced herself to accept what seemed to be the obvious. Buffy held her close though, as it still upset the redhead.

Giles and Jenny both left the room, to give the kids enough time to themselves. Regardless of their souls' ages, they were all still, in their minds, kids.

"So. They're the parents of Jesus." Jenny spoke up after making a cup of tea in the Rosenberg's kitchen for the two of them.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

"Or both."

Giles was thoughtful for a long while, before he spoke, "From the recorded history of the lives of Jesus' family, his blood family I mean... and not what's in the bible... I guess I'm not _as surprised_ at finding out those two are... them... as I thought I'd be."

Jenny nodded and hummed in agreement.

"I don't know them as well as you do though, so I guess I have to trust your judgement on that."

"Thank you."

"Odd how 'angel' was named 'Angelus' in that life, and vice-versa."

"And how in both lives he became a vampire... then literal in the first one, a 'guardian angel'."

"I think a certain God has a sense of humour."

Giles nodded in agreement. "Considering we do know various gods exist, I'm also not surprised at the confirmation that the one spoken of by Christians existed in some kind of form, along with his mortal son."

"Well, I hope Buffy's other past lives are better than the ones she's had."

He nodded, and after they finished their cups of tea over light conversation, they returned to the room, when the three both agreed to let off the next revelations till the next weekend.

Willow found their choice of words rather humorous, but they were all exhausted, and so missed the irony.


End file.
